Friday, July 4, 2014

7 Things I learned in my First Year of Marriage

   We got married at age 21 in January 2009 (so 5.5yrs ago at the time that I wrote this). We are officially smack dab in the middle of the first divorce hump (3-7 years), and still going strong. 
We were such babies!

Here are a few helpful pointers I learned in our first year of marital bliss.

1. You will gain weight. 
 All that cuddling and cooking and cuddling and cooking is not countered by the amount of sex you're having. You can't really count it as exercise.

2. Your spouse will get tired of your favorite spices or foods. 
You will try new recipes and some of them will suck, and the ones that are amazing you'll never be able to properly recreate.

3. It's a lot more boring than you imagined. 
The lull after the honeymoon... The "What now?" as you look around your tiny, mismatched home. It's no longer a romantic comedy/wedding movie, you actually have to plan fun things to do or you'll just sit there watching TV and gaining weight. Go do some "exercise".

4. Some expectations will be shattered. 
He doesn't like Christmas decorating. She's not as okay with the video games as you thought. She doesn't salt the pork roast enough. He doesn't put his dirty socks in the hamper, but rather next to it on the floor. Which brings me nicely to my next point...

5. You will fight about stupid things. 
Our first big yelling fight was over packing tape. He spent too much and I wasn't specific enough when I sent him to the store. It was so crazy; like, yelling, blaming, namecalling, walking out.. Absurd. But from that fight we laid out ground rules for fighting that we still use today.

6. You don't have normal things. 
You got used to your parents house where you had fancy things like a plunger and a ratchet set. It took them 20 years to build up their home supplies, and suddenly not having that is a frustrating reality check.

7. Its so much better. 
You feel so free to love the person! I know it's sappy but its true. The love grows every day as you figure out how to talk to each other, how to please each other, and how to be the best spouse you can. Our mantra is "Divorce is NOT an option." No matter what. So we're stuck with each other, regardless of how crazy we may get.


  1. Delightful and heartfelt good advice! Love, Nonna

  2. You're doing great! Love you two, Mom

  3. Hey there! Just stumbled across your blog from your co-sleeper sidecar post. I'm pregnant with #1 and considering building something like that. So cool!

    Anyways...I just saw this post and had to comment because I so agree with most of your points. My husband and I will be married for 6 years in September and we are of the same mindset -- divorce is not an option. Honestly it's never even crossed my mind except to notice the fact that I feel so lucky that even during our biggest fights (which are few) it never crosses my mind. lol

    My favorite from your list is the last one. So true! Even if you think you love that person as much as you can, with every year it grows even more as you get to know each other even more and grow together. It's a beautiful thing when two people are good together. Also love your fight about stupid things point. Also very true! I think we've only had a couple of "serious" fights in our 8 (almost 9) years together, other than that we only fight about who has claim on the "good" scissors or what to get on our pizza. lol Those kinds of "fights" are fun to laugh at after the fact though. :)

    I gotta add to your list though, at least from my own experience. Perhaps I learned these things past the first year of marriage (or even before, because we were already together for 3 years before marrying), it's hard to say, but two things:

    1. You need your own hobbies/alone time. Both my husband and myself have things we do by ourselves and I believe this is so important. I think this is one thing that sets a lot of successful marriages apart from marriages that unfortunately end in divorce. People need to realize that it's okay to want to do things without your spouse. You're still your own person with your own hobbies and doing them separately can help you grow as an individual and in turn keep your marriage healthy.

    2. To add on to your "you don't have normal things" point. You accumulate things FAST! I remember when we first bought our house we had like nothing and I couldn't even imagine filling our house up. Now, we're bursting at the seams! It happens fast so for newlyweds out there be patient, you will eventually accumulate all the things you need (and tons more you don't lol).

    Anyways, great list! I wish more people had a positive view on marriage like you do. So many people jump to divorce at the first sign of bumps in the road. It's really sad that more people don't take their vows seriously before taking them. Of course it helps a lot when you find the right person. :)